~Still Rmb Forever Only Always~

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so late le yet i am still bloggin.. cos cant slp well since e day, i received e letter of signin bond.. it was not easy since e day i decided to do this.. need ppl whose income more than 1k.. wow, it was like ermmmm.. if my family gt such income, do i still hv to sign bond, y cant i juz relax and study throu 3 years.. somemore, i nw is requiring ppl help.. somemore, nt tat close de.. imagine i was in their shoes, everyday, i was busy wif e stuffs tat was on my hand, yet gt ppl keep askin mii to be their guarantor.. will i gt piss off by them.. ans will be, of cos lah.. it was not a must for mii to yr guarantor wat.. we r not related wat... i nt tat kind of thick skin gal.. must i spell out for u tat i not thick skin then will understand my stand.. y cant u understand.. i know u wanna mii sign for my own good.. but i juz dun wan kana tie up juz cos i used hosp de money to study tat y need to work for them.. i wanna myself to work juz cos i gt passion not cos of string attached to it..

so many prob.. y cant i be a ordinary poly gal who can gt to enjoy weekends like other.. y cant i be care-free.. y cant i juz be not loaded wif family matters.. y must i cry.. tell mii.. i know i am anxious.. so wat.. how can i change.. i know u will say i am stubborn.. this issit e one of e thing tat u knew abt mii when u know mii.. y i wanna u to stand wif mii.. y my water tap keep flowin while bloggin.. y cant i juz go slp.. y cant i this and tat.. y am i such a obedience gal.. y cant i be ah lian.. y i need to work.. y i need to endure ppl temper.. y cant i be e youngest.. y i keep repeatin e song 'waitin' and sobbin.. y cant i be e one stay home.. y i must be guai guai kid who wanna hold e whole family.. y cant i nw fall asleep.. y i must enter poly.. y i wanna choose this route of my life.. y i so pek chey wif u.. y cant i be even nicer.. y am i kana easy forgotten by ppl.. y am i so small in term of everythin.. y everythin go against mii.. y this.. tell mii.. y? so many why.. can i juz pause for a moment.. everythin juz tie mii to my neck till i cant take it and cant breathe.. y cant i juz up to e ppl standard of mii.. y am i such a failure.. y must i this and tat.. y am i alway given options.. i dun like to make decision and choices.. y wanna make mii to do a choice out of stuffs.. i afraid to do wrong.. u r right.. tat time, u advised mii to stay away from danger, i din listened.. in e end, i scalded myself badly.. nw, wat i think was diff from wat u think.. am i goin to make e same mistake again by gettin myself injured badly again.. am i???

sobbin till tired le.. i will stop my tap le.. thx my blog.. a place to thrash out w/o makin anyone angry.. w/o disrespect ppl.. w/o sayin wrong things.. i know if u see this post, u might look for mii and apologize.. however,dun need.. i juz wanna u know y i feel this.. i dun wan cos wat i said then u change yr mind juz to make mii happy, change yr mind cos dun wanna i angry.. these i dun really need it....

to those who might read this post.. wat i wanna said is tat, sometime, wat i did might hv my own reason tat i dun wanna spell out cos i know it will confirm hurt yrself.. i juz wanna protect everyone cos everyone to mii, was precious.. i dun wanna anyone to gt hurt cos of mii or i am e one indirect/direct source of it.. hopefully, tmr no panda eye or red eye..

night.. may god bless mii.. someone who is small in size, someone gt bad missy temper(sometimes),someone who sometimes make jokes out of nowhere.. someone who will irritate ppl easily..

nw, goin to 3.45am.. am i able to survive till e end..
oh god, pls tc mii..
oh god, pls bless mii wif yr healin hand..
thx for such treatment from u..

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gotta work half day @ ambush cos celebration for weiting.. so eager in e mornin cos i long time din gt 12-5pm de shift le plus i can to see xiaomeinu thy all.. who knows, kana scolded by customer till cant take it.. cos e previous day, when workin on PH, oso kana scolded by customer.. both of them gt e same characteristic.. both of them gt stupid branded good wif them.. wow.. fcukin stupid.. from then, i super dislike such branded goods.. so wat, thy gt branded goods.. gt branded goods, can bully ppl who hv to work for their needs lah.. no as if thy din work bef, dun thy know workin was a such tough thingy.. yet thy gt branded goods then can show off lah.. i juz follow my company policy by askin them to order first bef sit down.. since u cant 'obey' our rules.. then fine, dun eat!! boss was ard on e 2 days incidents.. if he not ard plus i din own boss anythin, i SURE throw name tag plus apron and take my bag and walk off after talkin back to customer.. i din did anythin wrong yet scolded mii till i cant take it.. sorry loh.. i nt strong enough, i know.. if i strong, i wont be ard here..

after such incident, i endure till 5pm.. then met meinu thy all.. haha.. she was late even tot asked we all to be there sharp!! then took bus to valley park de condo de function room.. wow.. e bdae party was super grand la.. hee hee.. then kana picked tat ting need to piggyback mii.. however, i wore skirt so meinu had to replace mii.. wow.. she was piggyback by her weiting bf.. so sweet..

throughout e party, i somehow feel tat i not tat impt.. am i thinkin too much? am i over stress wif many things??

haha.. nw in e lib.. waitin for nxt tuto to start.. reached sch abt 7.40am juz to listen to feedback talk.. wow.. if i knew it was juz a feedback talk, i will slp more then come sch for late mornin class.. hee hee.. tirred... after sch, i will go nap awhile then die die must start studyin le.. tue gt bio.. must study if not, gpa wont be nice le...

hopefully, can endure nxt xmas then gt holiday.. but still hv to work.. but at least, i can slp till afternoon then go work.. long din slp till 1,2pm.. hee hee.. lazy piggy ^^

today, heard tat sch is goin oversea for educational trip.. to japan and aust.. wow.. e trip sound interestin yet so exp.. it was abt $2k.. wow.. sch gt so many interestin study trip.. but all super exp.. cos thy goin to e first world country de hospital.. such as aust, london, japan.. those near country will be cheaper, like $600plus for KL trip..

work pilin again and again~~
MORE sch work, workin time..
LESS slp, nap, tv,exercise..

haha.. after e last postin.. i was preparin to go slp.. while talkin to mei mei, end of my eyes saw an UFO, unidentified flyin object landed on my study table.. i went over and saw.. a SUPER huge kaka.. wow.. it was abit my thumb size.. then i kept screamin tgt wif my sis.. thy dun help mi kill it.. only givin moral support by screamin tgt.. HAHA.. then asked papa to come in and help mi to clear e dead body.. then nxt day, lost abit of my voice.. haha..

ytd, planned to go kittylab at expo.. but too exp.. so juz went to kovan for bowlin.. sian.. lost 4 rounds to dumb.. then went to arcade then heartland mall to shop.. bought stuffs for xmas.. a pink blouse.. and a purple shoes.. haha.. xmas gifts for myself had done (:

nw in sch, waitin for meetin to start then do till 3pm then lecture then lab then work.. sian..

tireedddddddd~~~~~~~

wow.. blog is rottin.. hee hee.. everytime gt time to blog, juz tat lazy to on laptop.. last time, no com, keep thinkin wanna use com.. nw, gt com yet lazy to on it.. tat sound funny.. recently, same thing loh.. busy wif work and studies.. last wk, 1 day happened many things.. xiaomeinu and wt came ambush and find mii.. so eager to see them so gave them a hug hug.. thy gave mi some strips of perfume tat thy went to see see.. i love one of it.. therefore, planned to get tat for xmas (: every year, i will gt somethin as a reward of workin hard and studied hard for a year.. 1st year of xmas, i got myself a samsung mp3.. it lasted for years till died!! but i still like my old mp3 :x 2nd year, got my fav purple phone.. however, it died too (: lol.. therefore, this year de gift, i dun gt electronic stuffs if not spoil again.. so i gt e perfume tat i wanna.. this year quite cheap.. only 80bucks cos bought from lucky plaza.. e perfume shop sell hundred plus.. wow.. saved 50bucks.. at least, e perfume can last, it wont die..

on e same day, cm and yvoonne and other ron's frenz came ambush.. i nearly recognize none of them cos long time din see them le.. is like i only knew them when i was wif him.. hee hee.. at first, i tot them r customers.. wanna ask them to place orders first while i cleanin table.. then one of them was laughin then i started to recognise them.. hee hee..

btw, aunty went back and work le.. good for her to look on e bright side.. TIME indeed a good healer (:

today, durin e pyscho lecture, there was a mini ceremony.. tat was abt e top student from grp A who are able to enter e 'directors list'.. it was great to enter it.. am i able to enter this within 5 semester?? hmmmm

work and work again.. sigh.. alr so tired on workin and studyin at e same time.. somethin happened again~ i was hurt by someone tat i trusted.. i trusted every of my frenz.. no matter, wat thy said, i do place 100% of trust in them.. but somehow God make mii see and feel somethin tat were neg.. same thing occur.. same prob-trust.. 2 years ago, i was hurt.. i took 1years plus to recover my bad injures.. i regained e trust in everyone again.. yet, ytd, this someone broke my hard work.. juz few hours, this someone torn down my effort and hardwork.. tell mii, how sld i not longer trust ppl tat ard mii.. i tot u wont hurt mii.. but i nvr nvr expect tat u r e one who hurtin mii.. din said i din give chance.. i gave yet u din realised it.. i alr said i dun wanna assumption tat y i clarify wif u.. yet u said i checked on u.. this is how u treat mii.. bein frenz for 1 years plus.. yet u torn down our frenzship by yr own hands..

how do i cont to trust ppl ard mii when i treated everyone as my frenz..
how do i know who will be e nxt one to hurt mii even deeper than these 2 incidents..