~Still Rmb Forever Only Always~

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so late le yet i am still bloggin.. cos cant slp well since e day, i received e letter of signin bond.. it was not easy since e day i decided to do this.. need ppl whose income more than 1k.. wow, it was like ermmmm.. if my family gt such income, do i still hv to sign bond, y cant i juz relax and study throu 3 years.. somemore, i nw is requiring ppl help.. somemore, nt tat close de.. imagine i was in their shoes, everyday, i was busy wif e stuffs tat was on my hand, yet gt ppl keep askin mii to be their guarantor.. will i gt piss off by them.. ans will be, of cos lah.. it was not a must for mii to yr guarantor wat.. we r not related wat... i nt tat kind of thick skin gal.. must i spell out for u tat i not thick skin then will understand my stand.. y cant u understand.. i know u wanna mii sign for my own good.. but i juz dun wan kana tie up juz cos i used hosp de money to study tat y need to work for them.. i wanna myself to work juz cos i gt passion not cos of string attached to it..

so many prob.. y cant i be a ordinary poly gal who can gt to enjoy weekends like other.. y cant i be care-free.. y cant i juz be not loaded wif family matters.. y must i cry.. tell mii.. i know i am anxious.. so wat.. how can i change.. i know u will say i am stubborn.. this issit e one of e thing tat u knew abt mii when u know mii.. y i wanna u to stand wif mii.. y my water tap keep flowin while bloggin.. y cant i juz go slp.. y cant i this and tat.. y am i such a obedience gal.. y cant i be ah lian.. y i need to work.. y i need to endure ppl temper.. y cant i be e youngest.. y i keep repeatin e song 'waitin' and sobbin.. y cant i be e one stay home.. y i must be guai guai kid who wanna hold e whole family.. y cant i nw fall asleep.. y i must enter poly.. y i wanna choose this route of my life.. y i so pek chey wif u.. y cant i be even nicer.. y am i kana easy forgotten by ppl.. y am i so small in term of everythin.. y everythin go against mii.. y this.. tell mii.. y? so many why.. can i juz pause for a moment.. everythin juz tie mii to my neck till i cant take it and cant breathe.. y cant i juz up to e ppl standard of mii.. y am i such a failure.. y must i this and tat.. y am i alway given options.. i dun like to make decision and choices.. y wanna make mii to do a choice out of stuffs.. i afraid to do wrong.. u r right.. tat time, u advised mii to stay away from danger, i din listened.. in e end, i scalded myself badly.. nw, wat i think was diff from wat u think.. am i goin to make e same mistake again by gettin myself injured badly again.. am i???

sobbin till tired le.. i will stop my tap le.. thx my blog.. a place to thrash out w/o makin anyone angry.. w/o disrespect ppl.. w/o sayin wrong things.. i know if u see this post, u might look for mii and apologize.. however,dun need.. i juz wanna u know y i feel this.. i dun wan cos wat i said then u change yr mind juz to make mii happy, change yr mind cos dun wanna i angry.. these i dun really need it....

to those who might read this post.. wat i wanna said is tat, sometime, wat i did might hv my own reason tat i dun wanna spell out cos i know it will confirm hurt yrself.. i juz wanna protect everyone cos everyone to mii, was precious.. i dun wanna anyone to gt hurt cos of mii or i am e one indirect/direct source of it.. hopefully, tmr no panda eye or red eye..

night.. may god bless mii.. someone who is small in size, someone gt bad missy temper(sometimes),someone who sometimes make jokes out of nowhere.. someone who will irritate ppl easily..

nw, goin to 3.45am.. am i able to survive till e end..
oh god, pls tc mii..
oh god, pls bless mii wif yr healin hand..
thx for such treatment from u..